July 18, 2009
We had planned on our annual camping trip with our two 9 year old Grand daughters. Becka has been packed for a month waiting for this weekend's camping trip, and Brooke talked about everything they were going to do everytime I saw her for the last 3 weeks.
Thursday morning we left and were at the campground by 11am. We had a wonderful 2 days filled with an assortment of things to do. Swimming at the lake, trolley car ride, bike rides, playground, fishing, and even got to have the Ice Cream Cones. Mmm Good...
Meanwhile I was being kept updated on Mom's condition. Tuesday evening Wilma and I took over a delicious roast beef dinner to have with Mom & Dad. They both enjoyed it along with our company eating with them. Wednesday morning I received a call from Dad at 6am. Mom not doing well, might have to call 911.
All day Wednesday I spent at Dad's house with my sister taking care of Mom, in contact with her Dr.'s. By the end of the day I informed Judy, my sister, and Dad that I was getting concerned with the raspy breaths she is having. Sounded like Pneumonia setting in again. If she wasn't better by Thursday morning I would call 911.
Thursday morning came and I left with the two grand daughters on their camping trip. My heart torn in two. I needed to be with Mom, but I also had promised those to grand daughters about camping and they were both looking forward to it for so long.
My brother Ken, and Judy were going to keep me updated via cell phone.
Saturday morning at 4am the call came. Ken informed me that Mom was not doing well at all being in ICU and the Dr.s needed permission to, whats the word, put the breathing machine with the tube down her throat forcing her to breath.
It was Moms last will and testament saying she did not want any form of artificial machines to keep alive. Dad could not make the decision alone so he called Ken. Ken wanted my opinion as I am the eldest child. I asked him what his thoughts were. He wanted to honor her last will. I agreed so he was to let Dad know how we both felt before making a decision. I told Ken that I would be on my way home at day break.
Dad made the decision. No help from machines, no resuscitation.
Arriving at the hospital by 11am, Wilma and I saw she was not struggling for breath but was being assisted with an oxygen mask to help her breath. Ken did give permission for that only.
Dad and Judy had to leave when they saw Wilma and I arrive. Dad is completely wore out. He just can't stand to see his wife under such pain.
Speaking with the head nurse in charge of Mom for at least an hour, she started giving us answers to the hard questions we had. Explaining exactly what the Dr. did when I arrived only in a more understandable way.
Ken asked to have a family meeting at 4pm. We all needed to know each others wishes. After telling Judy, Catherine, my younger sister, Ken and Dad of what all the nurse had told me just 2 hours prior, we all came to the agreement that Hospice needed to be called.
Being the eldest, I looked over at Dad. Dad, I said, is it your wish to allow Hospice to make Mom comfortable? He looked me straight in the eye, (which he very seldom does) and said yes I think it's time.
This is what we all had to hear from him. We are all in agreement. No pressure on anyone to make a decision. But it had to be made. It's hard.....so so hard but I have to keep telling myself its for her not me. She is in such pain, and now with the loss of her left lung she is laboring to breath, I have to keep telling myself is for your mom's sake, not yours.
The tears are rolling out of my eyes, I can't see to type now. I will write again soon.